you want a little pick-me up, eh? well...here you go..

once upon a time my sweet family moved into a little old house in orem utah. it was a hard change. together we carried out the ultimate home remodeling project. every time we thought it couldn't get worse, it did. but we lived through it, becoming better and stronger people with a beautiful home to life in. most of the house had been all fixed up but when last winter christmas came and we got busy and some of the projects were left undone. then my dad lost his job and they continued to be left undone. one of those projects is: the nasty bathroom. mauve carpet. hideous drapes surrounding the tub. and let's not forget: the absolutely awful wall paper. every inch of that room is covered in not one, but at least 2 layers, maybe even 3 layers of the worst wall paper. ever. one day my mom said "that's it!" she then got a whole bunch of sharpies, and we all started writing all over the ugly walls. it's been a few months and there are so many things written all the walls. using the toilet is a new adventure. who needs a book to read when you can just stare at the walls for hours! it's a great idea, really. i personally love reading the bits of inspiration, silly inside jokes, pieces of encouragement on a hard day. there have been multiple times i've plopped down on the pot, or lounged in the tub, after a long hard day and something has caught my eye bringing some tears and reminding me that life is going to be okay.

i know i think way too much. i realized that a long time ago. as far back as i can even remember. but lately i've been thinking extra. life sure is hard, but it sure is wonderful. the word: contentment. it's just been flowing in and out of each and every one of my thoughts lately. what does it mean? where do we find it? why is it so rare? it's like gold. really. no one ever has it anymore. last night while i was getting ready for bed i spotted this written just to the side of the mirror, slightly above the toilet: "i will be a bit sad when this wall is gone. But, change is good, so enjoy the present for what it is. :)" i stared at it for a real long time. letting it just soak in. it's crossed my mind. my dad recently got a new and great job. eventually the bathroom will be made new. so will all those ideas and thoughts of what it's all about written by so many people i love so dearly. i've felt sad. i've toyed with the thought "maybe the walls aren't so bad..." then i look at them again. that's the thing though, very very few things in life last. everything gets old, tired, worn out. cars break down. clothes get holes. better opportunities come along. electronics break. pets die. okay that is kind of morbid, but they do. life is such a temporary thing. we do everything in our power to make it last. to cling onto things. i remember duct taping my last phone together. i don't know if that's because i was attached to it or if that's because i'm just stubborn and had no money, but still. one day my red hairs are going to turn gray. or white. or they'll fall out. my eye wrinkles right in the corners from all my years of laughing will multiply and deepen. my favorite boots will be long gone. all of the things that i protect and cherish will be gone. more than that i won't be working at my wonderful job. today i went on a walk with one of my dear friend. first "walk" i've been on since i broke my foot. it was so sunny and warm and there were still leaves for us to crunch. we talked about everything we felt like and just crunched leaves together. one day i won't get that anymore. so if there is one thing i could just scream, to all the world, at the top of my lungs, it would be to live. just live. experience everything there is to experience. feel the way it hurts when you fall rock climbing and break a bunch of the bones in your left foot. feel the way it feels to walk around for the first time in 2 months and get choked up every day when you get in and out of your bed without total exertion. take the time to notice how it feels when you hug someone you love. because someday you're going to take the time to notice how it feels when you can't hug them anymore. feel your fingers and nose go numb when you enjoy christmas time out side. because before you know it you're going to be feeling your sunburn after day one of the beach 2012. take time to notice little things in life. yesterday someone i love very much sent me the sweetest text message saying they had helped multiple people in wheel chairs at work. he told me "cailie i just want so run and jump around and just feel my legs and love them!" something along those lines. we started just thinking about legs. and how great they are. and we started cheering for them. and our arms too. they're pretty useful. take some time to notice the people who smile at you. the beautiful things in nature. isn't it great God loves us so much He didn't just give us life, He gave us an absolutely beautiful place to live it in. Yeah, we deal with a lot of crap. there are lots of sad things happening. life is hard. But it's only so we can appreciate the good. really. and boy, oh boy is there a lot of good.