a minute or two in the brain of cailie.

i'm starting over.
it's kind of hard.
i don't like sitting home alone on friday nights.
knitting passes the time nicely.
especially when q sits next to me...holding the ball of yarn and making me smile.
i miss my best friend, harry potter.
i wish that series could have lasted forever.
sometimes when you read hp for 6 hours or more, real life seems so simple.
sometimes when you live real life for 6 hours or more, being a wizard sounds so nice.
i cried when it was over.
couldn't have loved it more.
couldn't bare to see it go.
why do people only want what they can't have?
most of us...we really have enough...plus more.
a worker at disneyland asked me if my hair was sunburned.
then he laughed and said he'd found the real ariel.
sometimes i wish i were really ariel.
some days i'd trade my voice for a prince eric.
most days i'd rather slap the sea witch in the face:
"you think after all this, i'd settle?"
that is what i'd tell her.
did they realize that prince eric would learn to swim?
he was willing from the beginning.
it was ariel who needed to learn to trust.
i'm devastated my camera is gone.
with all those pictures with logan and camille on their honeymoon.
that couple...they've change my life.
given me eyes to see the words you read leaving the indiana jones ride:
true rewards await those who wait.
something like that.
same with katie and cory.
they gave me the strength to walk away.
crystal and matt remind me of what soul mates are.
and why i'd be stupid to ever want anything less.
patience is a virture i wake up to every morning.
i cry with every night.
faces i love who aren't okay.
who mask their sad hearts.
hide they're wet eyes.
because they're scared.
they don't understand how much i want to help.
that's what keeps me up at night.
happiness is not a circumstance.
happiness is not luck.
happiness is a choice.
i'm learning to choose everyday.
i want my cello back.
my heart and mind are ready.
not just my fingers like last time.
i don't feel very good.
i'm afriad it's swine flu.
if i die, kramer goes to cortni. who wants charlie and lola?
marley and me made me cry.
but i absolutely loved it.
i love things that make you rethink your life.
rethink your priorities.
i'm glad nate young is so messy when he eats.
that is one ofthe first things i ever loved about my dear friend.
i'm also glad he will talk to me about the gospel in a way that most people don't.
that i can trust him.
and he has such insight.
and he's funny to go to the zoo with.
what a good man.
down to earth people are my favorite.
i love boot season.
i love sweater season.
i love soup, pumpkin pie, windows open let fall breazes in season.
i'm excited for hot chocolate season.
thermals, mittens, fire season.
under pressure, by david bowie & queen.
that song makes me miss josh so much.
maybe next time.
i hate those words.
didn't used to. now i do.
i'd rather hear something more direct.
meaner.
maybe it's sick,
but i always rub the things that hurt into my own face.
places, faces, songs, smells, feelings.
i never want to lose something i loved
because of another person and their choices.
and somehow it helps me to cope.
i think charlie and lola are suffocating in their own poop.
better change their water.
i love them too much already.
loving people and animals....
that's what i do.
i have lots of goals.
i'm ready to get busy on them.
i think i need a sudafed.
icream, pajamas, practice some choir music.
that's all for now.