cool clients and the beginnings of the 2010 resolutions...

sometimes i get kind of sad. sometimes i get angry. pissed. bummed. frustrated. down. bored. impatient. heart broken. lonely. confused. you get my drift. but i've been thinking a lot. (you think i talk a lot...imagine just one minute in my brain!) there are a couple of things that have made me think lately. a few actually. i don't think i can name them all because i had a long day and my brain is a little frazzled. but while i was driving home from work, my brain going 100 miles an hour, the thought that overruled them all was gratitude. i don't know how i'm going to pay for everything i need in the future. car, school, hobbies, family, gas, bills. i don't know how i'm going to have time for everything i would like to get done. i don't know what failures i have ahead of me. what trials to overcome. i'm not sure where i will find success. i don't know how my current relationship is going to end up down the road. i don't know how long it'll be before i lose more of my dear friends because life just keeps moving and i often feel i'm a step behind them all. my life has been in this weird limbo of unanswered questions and decisions left to be made for quite awhile. it can cause extreme frustration. it can leave me awake and crying late at night. it can make me bitter and confused. it has made me angry when i've tried to solve its mysteries and my solutions have let me down. but as i grow up (yeah i said it.. i'm GROWing UP...practically an adult....may or may not be...eventually ;) ) i think maybe i'm learning just a few things. and it's nights like these when i feel the end of the rope edging a little closer to my worn out hands and then i'm hit with something else...something far beyond my own measly human thoughts...that i step back and say "hey cailie...whoa...i think you're getting it a little bit!....wahoo!..."

tonight i am grateful for my job. it's nice just to have a job right now. but its even nicer to have a wonderful job. i don't always love being at work, but i always love my job. my manager can be kind of funny...a little crazy, but she is a great woman i am growing to love and respect very much. beyond the expected respect, i know she loves all three of us that work for her. she asks us about our lives. she listens, remembers, is always giving advice. looking out for our best interest inside and outside of the workplace. all of us are single/still dating and she is always keeping up on the drama of that. :) and after listening to my concerns tonight while we closed we walked out to out cars, helped each other chisel the ice and snow off, and laughed our heads off because of the chunks of ice flying and hitting us in the face. weird to laugh at that, yes? you work enough long days and it'll happen to you too. :) i'm also grateful for the two wonderful girls i work with. they are both beautiful, and fun. they have strong testimonies and also care so much about me and a stylist and as just me. all three are people i know i will stay friends with for many years to come.

i'm grateful for all of the neat people i meet through my job on a daily basis. i can have anywhere from 5-15 clients in my chair daily. each haircut can take me anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour to complete. that means i have that much one on one time to get to know someone. listen to what they have to share with me about life and share with them what i can about my own philosophies of what it's all about. i'm grateful for the people who are inspired to tell me the things that will get me through that day. make me just a little better. yesterday it was a little 18 year old boy. he just finished his first semester at byu. he was the kind of kid i would've been friends with. he walked in all energetic with a random t-shirt i'm positive he found at d.i. and some sweet converse. his hair was pretty shaggy. he plopped down in my chair and said "here's the deal....i need it off my collar and ears to keep byu happy...but i want you to help me keep it as long as i can, but still clean, and a cool style. ready...go." haha. so as we complete that task he told me all about his life and i told him all about mine. he told me how he was so poor he could barely pay for groceries and his dad had to drive to provo to get him when he was ready to come home for the holidays because he didn't have enough money for the bus pass. i told him how i understood. we talked about our goals and i told him i want to travel so badly. he went on to explain how he and his two best friends saved money their entire high school career and when they graduated they backpacked through europe for two months. don't worry. the remainder of his haircut that is all we talked about. he was able to visit 17 countries! he saw things i can only dream of seeing. and he told me "cailie....you can totally do it. start saving. just a little. everyday..." i kind of rolled my eyes and mumbled about needing a car and living at home at 21 and then we went back to talking about greece and paris and london and venice and austria etc. etc. then we finished. he loved his hair. i totaled his bill. he paid. and then handed me and extra 6 dollars and said start saving and smiled walked out the door. he didn't have enough money for a bus pass....but he came up with enough to help me get one step closer to all of my goals and dreams. it's so silly but it made me tear up. all of the wonderful people that i meet that do something be it tell me just what i need to hear, make me laugh on a hard day, are generous in their tip...encourage me and push me a little closer to my ambitions and goals...they all make me tear up. they all make me a little more grateful. they all give me a greater desire to be more generous, more understanding, more aware of the needs of others than my own. i know we often times talk about how awful the world is getting...but there are so many good hearts out there. trust me. i have the privilege of meeting them daily.

i am so grateful for my family i can barely even start on this one. whenever i face my own silly moments of despair they are what keeps me going. as i have these growing up moments i find myself thinking about them more and more. i remember feeling anxious to move out again as soon as i moved back home. but the longer i live here the more i appreciate the moments i have at home with them. (might be taking this back in 20 years when i'm still at home with them...haha just kidding) life happens so quickly. sometimes when i watch quincy and i have that moment where i actually realize she is growing up i cry a little. and for a few minutes i wish i could just freeze her silly little, rat loving, 6 year old self with missing teeth and a curiosity that can only be found in a kindergartner. or when i watch storey writing little notes and singing miley cyrus songs and telling me all kinds of funny little pre-teen things like who likes who on the jonas brothers show. i don't want that to go away. aubree graduates this year. i got choked up over that the other day. nolle starts high school next year. just over a year till she starts driving and dating. they are both TALLER THAN ME. stop growing up! my dad is getting more gray hairs every time i cut it. it reminds me of one of my favorite john mayer songs...stop this train, i want to get off and go home again...I can't take the speed it's moving in...I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train. well the train isn't stopping. and i'm grateful i'm learning to appreciate it before its too too late. i'm so grateful for the opportunity to be together for christmas this week. my family is truly my greatest joy.

i'm grateful for a warm house. good food. beautiful music. great company. laughter. corny jokes.

i'm grateful for the temple. it is truly heaven on earth.

and i am grateful for my Father in heaven..and for my Savior. i'm grateful for prayer. i can get on my knees anytime. anyplace. there is always someone to listen to all of my thoughts and concerns. to help me with ANY challenge i will face. i am grateful for the infinite love i receive on a daily basis. i am grateful for the Lord's love that is shown in my life through the hands of many others. my greatest resolution for the coming year is that i will be a tool in the Lord's hands more than i am now. that i will seek out opportunities to serve His children daily. albert einstein once said "only a life lived for others is worth living." i'm ready to make that a reality in my own.