love is hard...

i know that title sounds a wee bit discouraging but i promise it's not, and by the end of this little minute together you will understand me completely.

those three words are part of a james morrison song that really speaks to my heart. i think it speaks to my heart because i have always known that love isn't all rainbows and fluff. sometimes it's nothing but that. but that's like ice cream sundae dates vs. all the other meals you consume in your lifetime. love is real, my friends. it's as real as a bowl full of sauteed veggies that make you feel wonderful inside. and it's realities include all the feels you could ever feel; and more.

i've experienced many kinds of love. in fact i'm writing a full-fledged novel all about a myriad of loves i've had the privilege of experiencing in my 25.5 years of life. but in the last little bit i've had the wind completely knocked out of my lungs by a new and foreign love:

a long awaited love.

a love that is found in big gray eyes that look into my own, all the way down into the depths of my soul.

a love that is seen in beautiful smiles that melt me inside.

and matching messy hair.

this love is the sound of giggles that run so long they become slightly hoarse. and they keep on running. 

a new found love that only brings the kinds of tears that come from overflowing joy.

maximum simplicity.


effortless sacrifices.

forehead kisses on a naked face.

a love that is everything but self-indulgent.

this love sometimes leads to the macarena on the tampon isle of smith's at 12am after a long day.

other times it leads to silence and comfort.

it's raw. it's real. it's perfect. it's shocking.

we all know how well i deal with change. we all know how well i deal with: stress, lack of sleep, decisions, disturbances of the force. (even the good ones.) but we also know i have a sweet, little best friend with honey colored hair and the wisest mind there ever was. and in that moment of panic because my poor, simple soul doesn't know what to do with so much goodness all at once, she told me these words:

" 'they say love is blind. i disagree. infatuation is blind, love is all-seeing and accepting. love is seeing all the flaws and blemishes and accepting them. love is accepting the bad habits and mannerisms, and working around them. love is recognizing all the fears and insecurities, and knowing your role is to comfort. love is working through all the challenges and painful times. infatuation is fragile and will shatter when life is not perfect. love is strong and strengthens because it is real.'

i think your heart and soul know that this time is different. very different. and that can be overwhelming. because love is hard. it is. it's the best thing, but it's also the hardest thing you'll ever do. real, genuine love is work. it can be exhausting. or terrifying. or uncomfortable. it's a life-long progress. it's the beginning of everything, and opening that door that will probably change your entire life SHOULDN'T be easy. because giving your heart to someone so completely, handing over that superpower you were given, is scary. but it's beautiful because it is the most honest feeling you will ever have. and to be able to share that love? THAT is the real superpower. because everyone is capable of feeling love, but not everyone is capable of sharing that love. those people who claim that love should only be easy? they're all wrong. because if it were easy, it would be called infatuation not love. the difference is depth. love is more than the surface level. the reason love is hard, cailie? is because it's real."

that being said, there's another song that speaks to my soul equally, and it is called "easy to love" by ivan and alyosha. is it true that it could be easy to love someone when love itself, is hard? oh yes. absolutely!

if you have not found this love i speak of, i hope one day you find it.

i hope it washes away the hurts and doubts of all the imitations you've endured along your quest.

i hope it has those hard moments where you are given opportunities to show your courage; and this bravery brings you a beautiful depth that can be earned no other way.

i hope it is so real and so pure it scares the shiz out of you for a minute, or two.

and when you've recovered from that big scare i hope you have moments where you're stomach has a roller-coaster flipping sensation when you pause to think about all the things your future now holds because of this new love you have found. i hope you wake up each day realizing how supremely lucky you are.

because, as for me, i feel like the luckiest girl in the world. 


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