i want to grow old with you.....

dear husband,

it's me, cailie, your wife. i know we haven't met each other yet...but that's okay. i'm very small. sometimes people call me an elf. it's a rather legitimate assessment. other times dynamite....now don't get excited. that is usually in reference to my red hair and spicy attitude. but you love all of those things. even my attitude. that still is weird for me to think about. how you love me when i wake up in the morning with my bangs sticking straight up and my mascara is smudged all over my face because i'm generally too lazy to wash it off before bed and i've got my cute little retainer in my mouth with horrendous breath to match. i still don't understand how you love me even when i'm rude. and even when i do awkward things like farting in my sleep or practicing my opera in the shower when i don't think you're home. when i wake you up in the middle of the night to tell you something weird i thought of while i was laying awake and you were asleep so peacefully, you don't even mind....you even have ridiculous things to add... you love me enough to suffer through all of my weird passions...like 3 hour long symphony concerts, whole seasons of friends, shopping events that take an entire day, helping me rearrange the furniture just because i feel like it, carrying my massive purse proudly when i'm too tired, dumpster diving for my "art supplies" for me because you know i always get stuck in the dumpster, folding the laundry with me because you know that's the chore i hate most. you love all the weird art i hang all over our house, and all my writings that i read to you...or your good enough at pretending that you've got me convinced. if you're sweet and nerdy like chuck bartowski and you look kind of like him too i'm okay with that. you can also have the voice of jason castro/john mayer/jason mraz. take your pick. i'm okay with that too. you can pick everything else you're good and and you like...i hope you like some of these things though: long boarding,music,ukulele,rock climbing, road trips, the beach, disneyland, pillow forts, jamba juice,funny things, seinfeld, pets, traveling, yeah i could keep going for a long time but i think i'll stop there. you're kind of in luck...you've got a pretty sweet deal: free haircuts for life. that's right. i'll even learn to cut it just right. i'm a horrible cook. and not much of a homemaker. so i hope your okay with lots of ramen and cold cereal and my random home decor. i'll work on it. so life has been pretty hard lately. sometimes when it rains, it definitely pours. i'm okay with a little sprinkle...sometimes a nice little rain storm with some sunshine and a rainbow at the end. but this full on downpour is getting a little old. but here's the thing...it's making me a better person. i know it would be a lot easier to live through this particular storm with your help...but you're obviously lost or stuck in traffic or something... so i'm being patient. and becoming more of the person you deserve. and the kind of mother your children deserve. trying my best. i think it's working. a little. we will have adorable babies. i want one named max and another named ruby. you can name the other ones. just don't pick stupid names or i will veto them. yes...i have to grow them so i will get that power. my parents are currently just a few feet away from me...sitting in their pjs on the couch together, eating popcorn and watching a weird documentary on the discovery channel and talking about it. it's so sweet. they've been married for 20 some odd years. i want to say 24. and they still love each other as much as ever. someday we will be like that. someday we will grow old together and make the most adorable elderly couple that everyone hopes to be someday...but until then be happy. work hard. do good things. when your life gets hard....and you have no job, no food and your pets heads are falling off! or...you just feel a little more like harry and lloyd than you'd like...remember that i'm here too. and your in my thoughts and prayers through it all and more than you realize. come find me soon. i sure do miss you.

love, cailie.